day 1: reality

Suspend God just for a moment and look at the evidence first. Your world, is it the result of precise measurements and calculations and a stroke of good timing or is it the product of paint splatters and a dream? Is God a scientist or is he an artist? both?
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"and as for decent behavior in ourselves, I suppose it is pretty obvious that it does not mean the behavior that pays"

"it tells you to do the straight thing and it does not seem to care how painful, or dangerous,or difficult it is to do"

You can't argue that people should do the right thing because it's just "the right thing to do." In the same way, you can't be mad at how you're feeling just because things haven't worked out for you. You binded joy and goodness as a package deal and let's be real no one told you to do that. How many times have I asked you God, is it possible to do good and feel this horrible?

Yes.

But in the same way how you reason that joy and goodness are not always simultaneously experienced, neither can you categorize suffering with goodness. For goodness is not defined by the emotion you feel afterwards, but goodness is the objective and absolute truth.

Sometimes discovering the truth hurts, sometimes it comforts. But I can promise you, if you seek comfort first in the pursuit of God you will receive neither comfort nor know the truth.

These past months, I was looking for peace through comfort and now my well has run dry. But seek restoration and be quenched not by comfort that comes and goes, that grows and dies, but let truth which is constant and eternal and everlasting dig deeper and draw out the waters that will never let you thirst again.

Do not mistake comfort for peace, but peace is the understanding and acknowledgement of who you are and where you are in the very moment. You cannot understand if you do not know the truth.

Okay wait.

Stop.

You're acting like you finished. You didn't. You literally just started.

You don't know God. Really, you actually don't know anything.

(yet)

This is okay.

"the Christian religion is, in the long run, a thing of unspeakable comfort. But it does not begin in comfort; it begins in the dismay"

You don't know God, but you do know that there is something within that is urging you to keep choosing goodness, even as your flesh dies. 

follow this trail.

we call this,

a good start.