"the hall is a place to wait in, a place from which to try the various doors, not a place to live in. for that purpose, the worst of the rooms (whichever that may be) is, I think, preferable" (xv).
"... God is well aware of 'what a wretched machine you are trying to drive,' and asks only that you 'keep on, [doing] the best you can.'" (xx).
How long have you waited in front of this door?
Waiting... waiting for what? For who?
Instead of waiting for someone to walk you through this door, why not just try to do it alone? Peter was right; having someone to spiritually challenge you constantly is truly a luxury, a luxury you were lucky enough to experience just for a moment.
Yes, you don't have that luxury anymore, mourn for a moment and realize that the next best person to challenge you is yourself. You were lying to yourself, thinking that you could find the satisfaction of your soul by running in circles. But regardless of what you did, you didn't waste time nor energy, because all of the struggle and ripping of your heart has led you to this moment, to this place, to the winding and unmarked path that is God's will for you.
Hello God, I am a wretched man. I am so far deviated from your perfect design and poisoned by what makes me, me.
Hello God, this is me giving you my best. It's not much, and I must admit, even I am disappointed in what I can offer to you. But this pathetic excuse for an offering, coming from an even more pathetic person, is given to you from a most desperate of faiths, a faith that pleads with you: to take what little I have for an unfair exchange for an encounter.
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