Health

I am diabetic.
I was diagnosed with type I diabetes when I was... I don't know I don't remember meaningless things.
I inject myself with shots on average 4 times a day. They don't hurt.
I'm supposed to be testing my blood 3 times a day, I rarely make one.

Funny story how I got it.
When I was a little kid, around 5th grade I think, I had this huge headache/fever. It felt like flu. So my mom took me to the doctor and he said," It's just a cold, it'll go away eventually."

Hah.

After that, my mom bought me burger king (uh oh) and I fell asleep in her bed.

I woke up around 5 pm, I knew because the sun was dim, and threw up on the carpet next to my parents' bed. I felt absolutely terrible. I crawled to the bathroom and started throwing up some more. I called my mom, she was at church. I was terrified, I thought I was going to die. My last memory before passing out was I was on the top of the stairs, holding a green cup of water. Then, I don't remember anything else.

I woke up in an RV type of thing, it turned out it was a hospital. I later transferred to the building, I don't remember how long I was in there. I remember it was really dark at night, and sometimes one of my parents slept on the chair next to me, God bless them. In that moment of my life I did not want to be alone. I remember I got some visitors, which was super awkward, and such. I got out on December 24th, and went to church to see the Christmas play. Michelle Teacher took me outside, and gave me a Lego Bionicle (something I already had), but I took it anyway. Some of my older cousins bought me a pet gecko, which was pretty cool.

Life was not the steadiest ship from that point. The monotony of painful injections every day was not my cup of tea. I will admit, I dramatized the pain many times. I wanted to be pitied, I wanted others to think,"Wow, he doesn't deserve this." But still, diabetes was not something I accepted easily. I remember looking at the fatter people around me and asking myself,

"why not them?"

I refused to believe I would be stuck with this disease. I looked on the internet for solutions, herbal medicines, ancient rituals, foreign operations, but they all seemed too fishy. My mom took me to Korea during the school year, because we wanted to get this stupid herb, jinseng, which would "cure" my diabetes. Crap didn't do anything, and it tasted stupid bad. Then my mom started getting into these supplements, MSM, Red Marine Algae, but was it for me? I don't know. She told me very specifically, that in 6 months of consuming red marine algae religiously, I would be cured.

Nope.

Later on, my doctors suggested I get an insulin pump, a sort of contraption that was stuck into my hip externally and I could let insulin in through a IV-drip sort of procedure. No, I was totally against it. I did not want a reminder that I had this disease. I looked online for insulin pumps, and to my disgust, these kids were naming their damn devices. How sickening. That is just what corporations want.

In my radical, skeptic side, I believe there is a miracle drug out there. But greedy American drug companies won't allow it, and I completely understand why: the market is too good. 200$ for medicine, another 100 for supplies, there too much money to be made. But they're still jerks.

But if I had to choose one thing I hate about diabetes, it would be the doctors. I hate them. I want to burn them. The first appointment I ever had with them was a disaster. Some fat lady, a dietician haha, straight up told me if I don't get myself into controlled levels, I would die. Great advice for a 5th grader, you fat excuse for a human. I cried, oh how I cried. I felt that everything was my fault, and there was no answer that could help me. I want to kill those doctors. Just recently, January 2011, I had an another appointment, and as always, very bad blood sugar levels. Because I was turning 18, a social worker came in to discuss my transition to a new doctor. Somehow the conversation turned into something so mindeffingly outrageous, you would think it was a practical joke.

She questioned me,"Do you know what happens if you can't control your blood sugar?"
I replied,"Yes..." obviously not wanting to remind myself of these deadly conditions.
But no, she goes a step further,"Can you tell me what they are?"
Almost absentmindedly, I answer,"Kidney failure...blindness...liver disease.."
Eff this whore, she says,"And do you know what happens next?"
Was she enjoying this? Did she find complete joyous pleasure as I spoke my death to her? What the hell was she thinking?
I scream at her,"I die."
And there, like a pathetic baby, I cried. If she was aiming to humiliate me, she did it. Congratulations, Kaiser Permanente.

Needless to say, I slept a very long time that day. I did not want to think about living, because with living, comes dying.

I am not suicidal. In fact, diabetes is a theme in my life.
In 2 Corinthians 12:9, Paul states,“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

So go home Kaiser Permanente, I'm going to live forever.