lay out

forgive me for my recklessness

for people to change, for circumstances to inprove, for life to turn around

why do I want these things? for myself.

selfish.

I hate this thing called pride, I hate the devil. I hate myself because I keep letting him win.

I hate these conversations and scenarios that I make up in my head that dont exist and yet it kills my heart.

again and again and again, I've realized im not sensitive I'm just

insecure.

faithless.

whatever adjective the devil has convinced me that I am, I am.

but today,

I gave it up.

trying to change circumstances and hearts

trying to be God

but, I am not God,

I am not You.

I am just a boy

who knows nothing but Love,

love that conquers

and endures

and still,

a love that loves me.

I know a Jesus, who even in my confusion and pain and frustration, loves me.

and what else can I do,

but be loved right now?

what else can I do, God,

but be loved by you?