Before Ukraine

Kevin Lee
Born on thy world on the twenty seventh day of our dear Lord in the month of February.
Weighing in at one hundred and thirty seven pounds, hereby declare in the visions of the world the responsibility and the honor of carrying thou luggage to the city of Kiev in the country of Ukraine. God be with us all.

PEACE.

IM NOT PREPARED

AT ALL.

LOOKING FORWARD TO BRONAS RE:UNITED TOMORROW

HAS TO CLEAN UP DOG POOP

NEEDS TO BBAL LEH MY CLOTHES

OH MAN ITS BAAD

RIP Seagull.

today was totally scarring.

the church tutor program kids went to the beach before going to a museum, right, and we were just about ready to leave. before, we ate lunch around the tourbus, so birds hovered around us. One seagull hovered right above the street next to us and next thing you know, BLAP. A car rushed past and T-Bones the hell out of the seagull. It's lifeless body stood on the painted yellow lines, and we could do nothing but stare.

and coach steve said

damn that bird got f**ked

never

I never have been so happy. Today I stayed at church from 9:00AM to 10:30PM. yeah, fml right? it's not that I hate my lord, no, I love my god. I just miss home. So I'm deadbeat, I open the door, my dogs bark at me and I zhisney in my pants, and all I want to do is eatsleep. Its been a week since I came back from summer camp, and there's no food in my house. But, I open the freezer, and cry.

Hot pockets, philly cheesesteak sandwiches, sorbet.

Today is a very special day, because I ate my sorrow away.

that's how we do.

utter cowhoe

I have never met a bigger jerk since Kuzko of the emperor's new groove.

Imma call this jerk ShadyD, cause she's shadier than the dark side of the moon.

ShadyD thinks she's boss, but she's not. She thinks she can surveillance me all the time, but she can't. what im trying to say, and not to be offensive (ah what the heck, this is offensive), she's a failure. Probably a test from Boghu, cause I promised myself that i wouldn't let emotion get in the way of work, but DAMN SHE'S ANNOYING.

ShadyD tells BigBoss that I come to work LATE all the time, that I go to the BATHROOM all the time, and that I leave for break TOO EARLY.

DID I MENTION THIS IS A EFFIN T.A. POSITION FOR A CHURCH SCHOOL?

NIGGUH, then she tells me in front of my face that my homieJ can't work as a basketball T.A. because she assumes his GPA isnt high enough.

GPA for an athletic sport? lolol

First of all, homieJ's GPA is well over your 3.3 requirement, so suck it.

looks like I gotta make a stop at Lowe's.

cause thats where the hoes belong.

and I happen to have a broken one!

Kids these days!

I love kids man. Not pedophile status, but I enjoy their company. I especially love it when they suffer!

Today there was a BBQ at my house and everyone was invited ya digg. And if you didn't know already, I have a pond in my yardyard. So this little kid right, we'll call him BabyFlakes, this dude falls right into the pond, only to be swallowed by ravenous fish. In actuality, this guy pops right out.

I swear I did not hear him fall, nor did I see him. Quite sure I didn't taste him. But LMAOROFL this kuntakinte was WET. Maybe it was the water, but I'm pretty sure it was his tears.

Now, to prove im not a jerk, let me tell you a story.

Back in my day, there was an infestation of frogs right, and these amphibbies like to get busy. So we end up with hella frog eggs floating around town, aka the pond. So my good friend Joseph Chon comes over and is like

Aye suckah, hit me up wit sum tadp0le eggz

but in a sweeter, less aggressive tone.

So I'm balancing myself on a rock, trying to get good ol' Joseph Chon some eggs, when I fell into the abyss. That water's cold man.

Stone cold

i didnt die

just thought that you wanted to know. the worst part of camping is the crap that gets caught on your socks. those niggies are everywhere. and for some freakin reason, i get sunburn on my ears regardless of the protection. I had several layers of sunblock and a towel over my head, but they still get burned

and oh noes i have to do my summer reading and whatnot and advanced placement united states history.

f school man

its better outdoors

cause you know, you got the muthaeffin mosquitos, the disgusting portapotties, and shameful wildlife that could kill you.

no matter, im going church camping as a activity group leader (dammit) and will be MIA for many years. If I die, remember there's a TIEM CAPSULE in my backyard so you can go dig it up to see the wondrous memories of Bronas.

question is, do I need to bring the slingshot? I don't want to get in trouble, but I also dont want to get murdered by a man, mauled by a bear, or speared by a pig. Or even worse...an encounter with MANBEARPIG?

WHERE'S AL GORE?


IM SUPER CEREAL GUYS!!!!!!

Things i desparately need RIGHT NOW

I REALLY NEED THESE THINGS

Survival Knife

Machete

spark rocks

zune hd

bow and arrow

flashlight hat

flashlight

BB gun

BBs

chicken quesadilla combo with a fruitista freeze

dont ask me why, I just need it now

haha DAMN

TODAY WAS SO AWKWARDLY FUNNY

Jonathan was changing behind a wall in the gym today (one of the portable ones) and a teacher from summer academy was coming towards the corner of the wall. jason and I were playing ball and I stopped and saw the terror. Jonathan, without a shirt, being closely approached by old teacherlady. Teacherlady turns the corner sees Jonathan and goes

"oops sorry"

and jonathan is like

"Eeeek!"
no joke man


Then jason jonathan and I went to duh new park and did normal mall things. we go into a pacsun and suddenly jonathan goes oO and speeds to the back of the store. im like wtf mate and suddenly some hookeen girl goes HEY JOHNO. I look at this hookeen and I'm like
"damn shawty"
Then we see her again and she goes
"are you following me?!"
whats even better is that this hookeen likes to dance to the music of the store

THIS IS THE BEST
we end up at jonathans house to chill. jonathan's dog, Niko/Nicco/Nico/Neeko/etc comes out and jason and I start messing with him. I turn the dog on the back and start rubbing his belly and jason comes up and wiggles his finger on the dog and goes
"what's this?"

it was the dog's penis.

Fourth of July Notes

Purple Rain and Flash Dance are awesome and last forever

minimonsters suck arse

the key to making modified piccolo petes are in the positioning of the tape..

Today was VERY disappointing. jason and i wasted 5 batches of piccolo petes trying to make them into rockets. at our third to last one, it was finally able to blast for about a second before exploding. Using our last two, we were unable to recreate the scenario. dag yo

THEN SOME FAGOT JERK RAN OVER OUR LAST PURPLE RAIN.

Some car rolls into the court, i see him smiling, and im like okiE? Then he turns to leave the court and then i saw the series of unfortunate events. the purple rain and the mini monster (the last two sparkling fireworks) on the ground. I'm like "oh, no dis is duh bad one". The front wheel narrowly miss it, but the hind wheels popped them. then he drove off. there was much sorrow and grief.

mark my words, random driver, i will find you.

so close ah bon

close to the one week of freedom of where i dont have to do anything. except for tutoring kids...and helping out in the little kids basketball camp...aw crap.

so close.

but so far