PEOPLE SCARE ME

So the crew and I were at safeway buying snacks for our fake holdem championchips slammywhammykablammy, and as we walked out, we encountered Wild Hobo.
It amazes me that the hobo did not have a convincing story.
-Lets say I was a hobo-
SOMETIMES I DO...
1st. Collect cans and bottles. Do whatever I gotta do. I see cans and bottles in my classrooms all the time. Just rob-orrow it.
2nd. Create a job. I am still waiting for a job opening for "Human Desk" or "Sand Counter"
3rd. Go on craigslist and find the lost and found section. Travel the country looking for said lost items and return them for CA$H. If it's a lost wallet, cool, take the money and be like "Yo bro, I found yo wallet. But teh cahs is gone. Btw its 10$ for the wallet." You know that dude that found Paris Hilton's lost dog? He/she is now president of his/her own country.
4th. Rob a bank.

Anways, this dude's story was something like this
"I was raped by Hurricane Katrina.
My children, i cannot sup0rt.
I need monies
No pressure man, i just need moneis.
GIMME YO MONEY"
Cept he was nice. I gave him like 84cents and he said God Bless Ya'. I was like, coo.

Then there those people who just messed up a lot. E.G. kicked out of college, lost their jobs, broken up with gf and or bf (???)
Theyre all like
1. LIFE IS FANTASTIC
2. LIFE IS GETTING ME DOWN MAN
5. LIFE PUT CUTS ON MY RISTS
3. LIFE PUT A BULLET IN MY HEAD
7. LIFE MADE ME SWITCH TO GEICO
7. LIFE MADE ME FAIL LIFE

Basically, they go crazy and refuse to do stuff anymore. like failed college student dont want school, thus no good job, thus no money, thus no house, thus living with parents, thus living in basement/attic/refridgerator, thus depression, thus medications, thus overdose, thus hospital, thus hospital bills, thus debt, thus foreclosure, thus cold streets, thus lack of hygiene, thus stinkiness, thus antisocial, thus emo, thus blood, thus infection, thus sickness.

THEN YOU DIE
That's fearful man.

5 1 liter sodas for 4$? VERY SWEET TO EAT
Microwaved cookies? VERY SWEET TO EAT
Homemade mcChickens? VERY SWEET TO EAT
DDONG BEH (EXTREME CONSTIPATION) ? NOT VERY SWEET TO EAT.
^- About that.
On Saturday morning, at 6:00 (cause i checked the time), my stomach started hurting bad. This was hella hurting, it felt like my appendix burst. (FYI i have no idea how an exploded appendix hurts, but it hurted a lot). So I'm like "it'll be better in the morning". Too bad the pain was so massive that it didnt go away. So then I tried poopin, but no avail. The pain increased. Then I forced myself to massage my belly. I woke up my mom at that time, and she was like: The gas (farts) are moving around. It hurts yo" and I was like HELL YEAH. Anyways, I massaged myself (no homo) for ahwhile and eventaully i fell asleep. At 9:00 when I woke up, I took a deuce, but nothing came out. THus started my day.

Awkward situation next time?!?#$@#?^&&*(Z*&^%