day 38: be loved, beloved.

This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
1 John 3:19‭-‬20

beloved is what He calls me.

it's a name I don't understand and sometimes I reject because I don't believe it. it's a feeling so foreign to me that my first reaction to it is to push it away.

be loved, beloved.

I know what God's love is. actually maybe not. well hmmmmmm. okay I know God's love but not the full, complete portion of it.

be loved, beloved.

just like grace, his love is not a response to an action, but it is the beginning. love is the spring that did not need to be dug, but sprung up from the ground because of nothing else besides 'thats just what happens.'

be loved, beloved.

this is starting over. this is knowing His love by being loved. I'm going through growing pains again but how exciting is it to learn again.

day 37: advent

Strengthen the feeble hands,
steady the knees that give way; 
say to those with fearful hearts,
“Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
he will come to save you.”

every step I take towards You
strips off another piece of what I am.
the distance I've covered so far
strewn with the things I tried to hold on to
but in the end could not

deep down I knew I couldn't bring any of that with me
because there's no way I could reach out and grab your hand if my hands were already full.
now there's nothing I hold onto
and now, wait.
the snow is starting to fall

day 36: renew

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.
2 Peter 1:5‭-7

Lord do not let this fire go out.

You sent to me a wildfire and torched all that needed to be taken away and now all I have is an ember of that.

I probably would have just stepped on it and let it finally pass, but God I want more. breathe into this glow and use me as its kindle and bring your holy blaze once again for there is still so much to be done.

Im still stumbling; I really, desperately want to learn self control. to restrain the tongue. to let my words only glorify you and reveal your truth but man, I'm  starting to think that maybe you're trying to teach me patience first?

waiting waiting waiting
waiting waiting waiting

sigh, on your time then.

one day Ill truly be doing this joyfully.

day 35: feelingvsknowing

I have always wanted to feel loved by God, it's something that I have been desiring for a very long time.

to witness a vision or hear an angel or experience a miracle and I always chased after these things but always end up realizing that I was pulling at loose threads

but today

in a short, strange moment, I did not feel love but rather I knew I was loved.

and in that moment I could not keep it together..

I don't have the right words to describe it

but what a wonderful day it was.

day 34: focus2

youth group. filling the shoes left behind and giving it all up to make sure your children know Your name.

school. being diligent and responsible to find passion and absolutely run with it

em. doing my part in planting roots and participating and establishes the spirit of fellowship in a new community

small group. pursing God in every opportunity by getting out of my comfort zone and learning how to interact with strangers.

praise team. to never be satisfied with the offering but find solace in His courts

family. to be there and to be supportive to each person and to show through example that love conquers all things and God fixes all things.

I look at all these things I want to be able to give fully, and I can't. and I feel like I've cheated each category from giving my full effort.

oh but God, my feelings of failure are eclipsed by the joy you bring me. the river never runs dry and all I need to do is dip my feet and Lord you flood me.

so tired but so alive. the flesh fails but my God you never will hallelujah again and again.

day 33: youth

Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit.

God your children are amazing. I feel fire 8 feel passion in the youth and those who are stepping up to the plate as saints and ask for your blessing and sanctification.

IM SO HYPED

these are the hands that will build your church and your kingdom God and I want to give up everything I have and am for them.

the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few however You are a mighty warrior and we are your people and victory is found 8n your name alone.

day 32: coincidence

"I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul.  You have not given me into the hands of the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place."

I can't even scrape the surface of what's going on. how You are working on my life, revealing to me a fragments of glory in the most strangest, mysterious, but amazing ways.

I'm so grateful

and everything is so warm and wonderful in His presence.

I can't even come up with the words to write or to say to describe what is going on, but my heart cries out "thank you God"

thank you thank you thank you