Tips from a fellow survivorman to you

1. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE WEATHER
Or it will RAPE YOU IN THE BUTTHOLE, no freakin joke. You would think that shorts would be sufficient since you would be going uphill all day, but NO. its gonna get COLD, especially if you go in the morning.
What should you do?
PACK EXTRA LAYERS IN BACKPACK

2. YOU ARE THE MASTER RACE, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT
On the way to your destination, you may come upon wild, ferocious animals, such as wild cows. You have two choices: a) eat it and make beef jerky, or b) avoid it. I will not go into detail about choice a), since it's too beastly for words. But if you want to avoid it, be confident in your humanness. This will especially be useful when a cow stands between your goal and you.
What should you do?
Go up to the cow, if it still has the guts to stand in front of you, shove out your thumbs, and tell him/her to SUCK IT.

3. WIND IS POWERFUL, BUT AN IDIOT
On the occasion where there are blistering cold winds, it is important to know how to handle it. Wind is your greatest enemy, for it can strike every part of your body. But, it also happens to be an idiot, and cannot find you if you hide. Some tips: a) wind goes in one general direction b) wind is cold only when it finds you.
What should you do?
Find a rock that is against the wind, and hide the hell behind it. The wind will avoid you like the final plague god sent upon egypt (SHAZAM)

4. MUGGERS
Your mugger is on the trail next to you, and he's mugging you. He mugging you while you are hiking.
What should you do?
Wrist control. Take his wrists and see how you're in control? Then, take out your gun. See? Completely motionless.

In the end, it should look something like this.


Cold, chapped lips, sunburn, windburn, and of course, a shaved head. Don't forget the awkwardly positioned eyebrows since the sun is in your way.

MISSION PEAK IS NO MATCH FOR AZNS