in transition

May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us; establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands.

distracted

For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy.  

I was very preoccupied today in my mind-space with a very heavy discussion of heretics and theology and personal experiences. I had conjured up my own thoughts at the topic at hand, but then took a step back and had to analyse the fervor in my heart. Where did this fire find its kindle?

I then saw the battleground of judgement, offending and defending churches and temples, and how frustrating it was to use Scripture and discernment to find whether or not a ministry has embodied the gospel as the foundation for its teachings. Where do we draw the line of what is a nuance between denominations and the heavy accusation of abomination? Who wields the spiritual judgement and authority to finalize that judgement?

Then I realized I had nothing to say; not because my mind was absent of thoughts but because there is nothing good in me that would bind my opinion in truth. I was drawn into the conversation, eager to impart wisdom, but I knew that in the end all I could contribute is my wisdom, my human wisdom, my foolishness.

This is not a concession, that would imply that I made the right choice and avoided that path. This is a surrender, because in my sin I walked with my pride and shut out Christ so that I could participate in things that fuel my brokenness: my need to be knowledgeable, my need to be acknowledged as someone who is known for their shrewdness.

apart from Him, there is no wisdom in me. there is no goodness in me. what do I have that was not given? my thoughts are just a vapor, and all glory to Him who imparts His spirit to us: that allow us to think and believe.

I pray that those in that conversation are justified before Christ, who holds all power of all judgement, and that His judgement would bring justice. and i pray that He would show mercy today and teach me and equip me to go forth boldly when it is my time to be sent.

spurgeons rest: 4

Keep step with me, be as I am, do as I do. I am meek and lowly in heart; your heart must be like mine, and then we will work together in blessed fellowship, and you will find that working with me is a happy thing; for my yoke is easy to me, and will be to you.

rest after rest comes from loving the yoke shared with Jesus,

I guess right now I like it but I don't love it.

but it can be loved, for Christ bore this yoke: to love and love completely the sinner.

I can be like Christ, I can bear the yoke, I can love the yoke, not by my own accord, but because of a calling, an invitation.

face Him, and now walk.

And though this world, with devils filled,
Should threaten to undo us,
We will not fear; for God has willed
His truth to triumph through us.
The prince of darkness grim,
We tremble not for him-
his rage we can endure,
For lo! his doom is sure:
One little word shall fell him. 

the devil can take my joy, my rest, my peace

but he will never take my confidence:

he will never take my Christ.

and although i hold on to Christ for dear life as firmly as i can in desperation,

i realize that Christ holds on to me even tighter because of who i am to Him.

spurgeon's rest: 3

"He has given you rest, but have you found the innermost rest which he works in your hearts? 

it is yours, for it is included in the one gift; but it is not yours enjoyed, understood, and triumphed in as yet unless you have found it, for the rest here meant is a rest after rest, a spiritual, experienced rest, which comes only to those who find it by experience."

Jesus has invited me into the presence of God, into the throne room, but now do I wait with my shoes on in the outskirts or do I lay myself down and press into Him? 

rest after rest, it's not that rest has been unattainable, it's just that I haven't dug deep enough. to take off a yoke that has done nothing good for me and to accept His yoke which is light and to work for something worthwhile. rest. then to work for my Master and He gives me peace. rest after rest. 

on the right track, keep going.

spurgeon's rest: 2

it is only appropriate for the first trial of my sabbath to continue reading about what it is to rest.

If you want rest come to Christ in Gethsemane, to Christ on Calvary, to Christ risen, to Christ ascended.

If you want rest, O weary souls, ye can find it nowhere until ye come and lay your burdens down at his dear pierced feet, and find life in looking alone to him. There is the precept then. Observe it is nothing but that one word, "Come."

as i read this portion of the sermon, i wonder of what it means to practically live out the verb of "come." where to i run to? what direction do i head towards? should i read the bible first? maybe the devotional book first? pray when? before or after or maybe even during?

in the midst of my brainstorming i realized, whatever path i was deciding on, whatever choice i was weighing, nothing was fulfilling the purpose of "come."

if in my heart, there is an urge to begin with prayer, then pray. if there was a tug to read, then read. just go. jesus is already there.

You prepare a table before me, in the presence of my enemies

surely the Lord who sets up a place for me in the midst of my chaos can certainly find me in this time of peace.

it really just is a command of "come." as simple as it is direct. the only supplement to that command is the one who speaks it. come to me, says Jesus. Want to write a blog post of your thoughts? do it, and continue in My direction, have faith in Me.

hey look at that, one step towards You. let's take another.

spurgeons rest: 1

O you who feel your unworthiness this morning, who have been seeking salvation earnestly, and suffering the weight of sin, Jesus will freely give to you what you cannot earn or purchase, he will give it as an act of his own free, rich, sovereign mercy; and he is prepared, if you come to him, to give it to you now, for so has he promised, 

"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

no amount of work will ever cover my transgressions, and my weariness is a product of toiling on the soils of brokenness.

work is not meaningless, but I'm starting to understand that if I intend to dig out my sin with my own shovel, I'll just be tossing dirt over my shoulder but still in the same yard.

" come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden"

i labor for You, just not always for the right reasons. not always with the correct understanding.