forgiveness through action

i mess up a lot, no doubt.

i've been to 12 summer camps in my life, make it 13 now, and every special service is the same. A time to repent your sins through some creative way to make it appealing to adolescents while trying to make it serious.

there was a time for prayer, and like the other 12 times, I got down on my knees and asked for forgiveness. then i thought to myself

what is the point of asking for forgiveness when God and I both know that I'm going to screw up again?

a question brought up a countless number of times, and yet i still struggle with the answer.

i've said sorry to God so many times, that there is no meaning left to the word. what is the point? what can i do?

and so I have decided to no longer ask for forgiveness through sorries, but work for forgiveness.

it's not a deal. im not asking God to give me a forgiveness point for every good deed i do, but rather, i want to show God that I desperately need His forgiveness and to show that i truly want it, i work for the kingdom.

an exercise shown to me in clovis;

hold your breath. keep holding it, past to what you can handle. and when you get to the point where your lungs feel like imploding, you gasp for a breath. that desperation your body feels, that is what you must feel for God.

crave God like your body craves air.