easter

my first response to love is:

"I don't deserve this,"

followed by a desire for an action to restore a balance.

whether it comes from my parents, my sister, my friends, even from Julianne; love received must always be responded with love given.

and I have found that having this heart leads to an incomplete love.

when it comes to the love of God, what could I ever do to repay a life sacrificed for me? what could I ever do to refund the price paid on the cross?

I cannot.

and this truth of my inability to ever give restitution for a debt of love is the reason on why I receive an incomplete love; because I do not accept without giving a portion of it back.

the essential purpose of love is not to seek a return, but it is to be accepted and stayed. yes fine fine, I am undeserving, but my weakness does not dilute the power of love because my weaknesses and shortcomings have never changed love's trajectory towards me.

so this Easter, I plan to receive. and rejoice.

thank you God for love without attachment.

thank you for people around me who love without attachment.

thank you for Julianne for her love that has no attachment.

I pray that I would love the same.

But he took her by the hand and said, “My child, get up!” 

Her spirit returned, and at once she stood up. Then Jesus told them to give her something to eat.

-

God does not simply fill emptiness, but He takes it away. in the same power that life became life not because it filled a vacancy, but it emerged from nothing. in the same display of glory that resurrection did not layer over death, but conquered it. 

my prayer God is Lord let there not simply be renewal, but a transformation. to increase in capacity to love, for I know that love will spill into every crevice of my heart and fill every weakness, Lord do not delay in Your righteousness 

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden,

and I will give you rest. 

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me,

for I am gentle and lowly in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls. 

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
-
all glory, power, honor to You and You alone,

the Almighty who sustains me in His love and

who lifts burdens for the sake of His children.

victory belongs to the one who fights, and our God is a fierce warrior

justice and righteousness flows from Your river

and You save the undeserving because of Your mercy.

praise and bless Him,

holy holy holy is the Lord God Almighty,

who Was and Is and Is To Come

suds

today was really tough, for a lot of reasons and at the same time not a lot of reasons.

I just want to

clean my room.

and curl up and just wait.