plugged

"how close do you think we are?"

how close do you think we are?

"do you trust me?"

do you trust Me?

-

it's been hard. really hard. not hard because I don't know, because it's all before me now. everything is in front of me,

but it's hard because I don't know what to do with it.

I have the truth, I sought it, and it was given to me. now what?

I have been anointed or whatever or however I got here but I'm here, my heart's ready. now what?

we're here, but still there's that one thing. we got so far but still, chained to something I can't budge no matter what I do. now what?

"why do you think im here?"

-im here because despite what you think about me or what you believed my intentions are, I'm here because I care about you and want to help you, even if I can't help you now, I'm here because I need to at least try for you. because that's what friends do, that's what family does, that's what I'm called to do.

why do you think I'm here?

I think that despite what I think about You or what I believed Your intentions are, You are here because You care about me and want to help Me, and even if I say I don't want Your help, You still try for me because that's what friends do, that's what family does, that's what You are going to do.

-

I prayed for You to stretch me, but just before I break. I am still afraid in many ways, lacking in the self confidence that I desperately need to do any of these things.

but I think that's what it's going to take. to be stretched past the point of rebounding back to my original shape, but to be stretched and snapped, broken by the mighty hand that will break everything else in the process, the immovable rock, the fear and confusion, even what is broken will be broken even further.

broken so that I can finally understand your pain. so I can finally understand the need of the flock. so I can finally understand how to take care of you.

so that finally, I can finally hear nothing else but the wind of Your Spirit, covering me through all the seasons, leading me in wonder to your footsteps.

if You need to break me, then break me in my faith. if I need to die then let me die in my faith, knowing that my crown is not found where I have hoarded my treasure inside the shed, where the rats and robbers have already robbed me. but my crown is one that shines forever as my God is,

and they will not take my crown away.