plugged

"how close do you think we are?"

how close do you think we are?

"do you trust me?"

do you trust Me?

-

it's been hard. really hard. not hard because I don't know, because it's all before me now. everything is in front of me,

but it's hard because I don't know what to do with it.

I have the truth, I sought it, and it was given to me. now what?

I have been anointed or whatever or however I got here but I'm here, my heart's ready. now what?

we're here, but still there's that one thing. we got so far but still, chained to something I can't budge no matter what I do. now what?

"why do you think im here?"

-im here because despite what you think about me or what you believed my intentions are, I'm here because I care about you and want to help you, even if I can't help you now, I'm here because I need to at least try for you. because that's what friends do, that's what family does, that's what I'm called to do.

why do you think I'm here?

I think that despite what I think about You or what I believed Your intentions are, You are here because You care about me and want to help Me, and even if I say I don't want Your help, You still try for me because that's what friends do, that's what family does, that's what You are going to do.

-

I prayed for You to stretch me, but just before I break. I am still afraid in many ways, lacking in the self confidence that I desperately need to do any of these things.

but I think that's what it's going to take. to be stretched past the point of rebounding back to my original shape, but to be stretched and snapped, broken by the mighty hand that will break everything else in the process, the immovable rock, the fear and confusion, even what is broken will be broken even further.

broken so that I can finally understand your pain. so I can finally understand the need of the flock. so I can finally understand how to take care of you.

so that finally, I can finally hear nothing else but the wind of Your Spirit, covering me through all the seasons, leading me in wonder to your footsteps.

if You need to break me, then break me in my faith. if I need to die then let me die in my faith, knowing that my crown is not found where I have hoarded my treasure inside the shed, where the rats and robbers have already robbed me. but my crown is one that shines forever as my God is,

and they will not take my crown away.

climbing still

The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water,

but a man of understanding will draw it out.
-
show me Lord,

for I am the wretched sinner.

show me Father how someone like me

can understand.

guide me Spirit, and teach me to dig up the dirt that covers the wells.

show me the cost, all that it takes,

how much I must lose to finally gain.

Jesus, give me strength and courage to die to myself, so that I might live for something,

finally,

a purpose.

worthy worthy worthy.

for so long

what was life before You?

I don't remember,

I don't remember life that way.

"For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. "

there is purpose

from what started as a drizzle, is now a storm.

and I am drowning

please
let me see a little further.

s t r e t c h e d

so once again tod-

actually it's fine.

errrrr maybe not fine

but it'll be okay

just one thing at a time

it'll be okay

listen and obey

listen and obey

listen and obey

listen and obey,

now what?

listen and obey.

Lord let me see what You have planned,

or if not, the strength to wait for You.

paralyze

if there's anything I've learned over these past few weeks,

anything spoken, felt, heard

it's that with whatever God does, it's never just for a single purpose.

when He moves life expands, branches into a million new doors and a billion new trials and blessings, a web where each strand i choose to slide on is absolutely complicated and chaotic to me, but somehow perfectly in line and on time to God.

-

at the top of the mountain just above the clouds, His hand glides over before me, and the clouds swirl up and the wind blows into the valleys and canyons in melody, as if proclaiming the glory of the strength of Him. the winds stir the sea, crashing and roaring violently in a strength that pales in comparison to the hand that swept over the earth. I am in awe, but not afraid. Humbled, but not cast out by the hand that swept over the earth.

faithful to the end

It will be said on that day,

"Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us.

This is the Lord ; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation."

-

from beginning to the end,

rejoice, beloved. rejoice.